MY EXPERIENCE (or what I remember of it)  

 MICHAEL (CHEESY) CROSBY

While reading the already existing recap of the events of T in the Park, you would be forgiven for thinking that myself and Cooney were not part of the posse which ventured up to Balado.  However, we were in said posse, we just formed a
rouge faction of sorts and got into much hi-jinx which I will tell of now.

FRIDAY JULY 9TH
As my comrade has already mentioned, Friday licked arse due to some FUDD who thought it would be wise to make our way to the site as early as possible, and as such we arrived before the cock had yet arose (were talking of the feathered variety although I had found myself rather limp that morn for one reason or another).  Carrying our bags as well as all the beer and food we took was fucking murder (next time im getting a sleigh) especially at that time in the morning and by the time we put the tents up we were fucking knackered.  A celebratory can of miller was cracked open and the party began. The party ended 3 and a half minutes later when we realised we now had 14 hours to kill and HEE HAW to do to fill the time. This fact was made all the worse when at around 4 oclock some lazy folk, who I so wished to be apart of, showed up, bright eyed and bushy tailed having had a nice lie in and got a thorough breakfast, and got a camp spot right next to our own, thereby rendering our early bird catches the worm idea as pointless as liquid confetti.  We then agreed not to listen to Downey any more (this was reached unanimously when he purchased a huge flag and proceeded to wear a silly hat, the twat).  To relieve the boredom, me and Cooney decided to divulge in a little drug escapade.  We had managed to get a hold of some little mushrooms and thought it would be a good idea to gob them all then go for a wander to find some hashish to do on top of them.  I got a call from Carolann Dempsey who said she had some hash and ended up in her tent with some of her pals, one of whom was rather desirable, very disappointed as we thought the drugs, as Mr Ashcroft put it, dont work.  How wrong we were.  After about half an hour of polite chit chat the mushrooms took hold and everything after that is a bit of a blur.  I remember being very engrossed in this bearded lads guys mix tape, waiting with baited breath and a moistened undercarriage for the next song which was always funnier than the last (GERRY RAFERTY NEVER SOUNDED SO GOOD!!) I also remember feeling very comfortable despite my grass stained arse, not wanting to leave for ever and ever and becoming very giddy by the presence of a candle.  All was well until we were pried away from our new friends by Clarky who promised we would return with beer and wagon wheels.  We didnt and for that I apologise.  The walk home could only be described as shit your pants and dive in and swim time.  Being so disorientated in a place as crowded as T in the Park is fucking scary!  We lost Clarky and I can only remember the colour red being very pronounced and there being far too many people walking towards me, I mean youd think at least one was going my way but no, and they all took pleasure in walking straight into me which wasnt funny, the sadistic bastards. I was asking myself aloud all these questions but I cant remember what they were now.  Thankfully, God smiled on us that night and by some small miracle we found our back to our tent, how this was possible I have no fucking idea coz I was still unsure of the way the next day, while sober, in the daytime. The rest of the night is lost except for hearing the phrase 'UH OH, GAZEBO!!!!' whizzing round my head like dolby surround sound and people asking me questions which I was later informed they didnt ask.  Oh, and Cooney said I was thrashing around in my sleeping bag, which was weird coz I could have sworn I didnt get into my sleeping bag. By now its about 11 oclock and Im fucked if I know what I did the rest of the night until 3 when I woke fearing I had pished myself, only to be slightly relieved when I found the tent was leaking and all my clothes were soaking.  It was a good night so Im told.